The Single Empress
You cannot truly love someone until you love yourself. When you love yourself you will know the level of love you can and therefore will accept, and won’t make the same mistake over and over again. – SmSS, June 2015
After some (not-so) shock news the other day regarding a past lesson, I spoke with two of my nearest and dearest friends. The mixed emotions of it all got us talking about relationships and the real reason why we get into them. I can only speak for myself in this subject, but one of the root issues to all of this is: Do you really love yourself? When she first asked me this I was like yes of course I do love myself, you have to. But then I sat back and contemplated do I really? It’s not just the outward appearance of myself, it’s my personality, how I spend my time – am I wasting it or doing something productive? What is it within myself that is missing that I feel I need to feel it in with male company – or other’s company full stop? At the end of a past relationship, and other complexships I somehow saw who their future spouse will be. So far I haven’t been wrong with either of them. So why is it I could see this for them and not for me?
Simple Answer: They were in a position where they loved themselves and were ready to “settle down” and be in a committed relationship. My reply: Yeah, I'm not there yet. I mean really I am not ready. I'm in love with the idea of having someone to have good and bad days with, the spontaneous day trips out doing something, doing nothing. The knowledge of physically seeing someone there that loves me as much as I love them, and that we grow together, spiritually, emotionally, physically etc. Of being someone else’s other half – how enticing?! I've thought of how to a hurry that progress along, of loving myself honestly and genuinely and being in this relationship like now, and engagement marriage 3 children the house with the white picket fence and navy blue door with gold knocker – yeah I've had time to think about all of this! But to get to that point (leading from the beginning) you need to love yourself first.
Love your own company. Love where are you in life, love the progression you are making. EE, 2015
Now everyone does this. Compares themselves to others. Be that to put themselves up or elevate who they are/think they are, or to put others down, as they feel they are better than others. Others compare and put themselves down, feeling that they aren't worth much because they haven’t reached certain goals by a certain age. This is something we need to stop – comparing our individual walk with that of someone else’s. We don’t know how many days/nights they've cried, how much effort that they've put into getting where they are right now. We only see the Instagram filtered version, the parts they allow to be leaked on-line and shared with everyone. So, I realise I need to go back to basics and look at what is it I want in life? Instead of wasting time and money buying things I don’t need or to fill that emotional hole – BY THE WAY that only works for a short period of time – It’s time to write down the goals you have in your life and how you are to achieve them. Growing up I had every little detail planned out – most of them happened how I expected them to, others not how I thought but it was a better way. Now love, you cannot plan how it will happen or what will happen, but what you can do is know your values and morals and stick to them. No-one is perfect and all have made mistakes in the past, but don’t hold onto that guilt. Ask for forgiveness and forgive yourself also. Now move on. It’s going to hurt, of course it is however it will all be worth it in the end. So I’m told by many married couples – so it must be true.
Tasks I’ve given myself for this year (work life, personal life [covering spiritual life] & love life). You know the classic where do you see yourself in 5 years, 10 years time?
1. Write down what it is you actually want, where you want to be and how to achieve this. Now pray over it and put in the work to achieve them. If there is resistance and it is just not working – consider that that is not for you.
2. 1. What is it you want in your other half? And why? This will help you with the next part.
3. 2. What is it you are going to bring to the table? Often we state what we want, but fail to become or realise that we also need to do our part and bring something to the table also.
Working on me firstly. I saw a YouTube clip recently, stating that in a relationship they are to compliment you not complete you. Those words have truly resonated with me. We are to compliment our partners, what they lack you have and vice versa. Similar interests help, so you can spend time with each other, but also differing ones too. These will help open your eyes to other parts in life but also give them a space to be free from you and enjoy that healthy space. So it's time to work on you, for you.
Empress Nae